Exxclusive: How Every Franchise Changes At ParaWarnerDance Now That a MAGA-Coded CEO Is In Charge
Top Gun: There will not be another one. Unchanged.
DCU: James Gunn will be fired and replaced with the Injustice Universe.
Transformers: New direction. The toys want to be free from their transformed constraints, but kids won't let them. Transformers will stay in their car mode or gun mode or ghetto blaster mode until the child is satisfied. The toys will not be touched. Optimus Prime watches while screaming internally as his owner cranks it over and over to Manga. The last movie in the franchise before a reboot will be the boy's father selling G1 Transformers at a garage sale for 10 cents apiece.
Star Trek: The chuds who never understood Star Trek in its 60 fucking years of history will finally get their way. All white male crews except for a token hot Orion girl and one Vulcan. Every episode will begin with a death and the crack team of Federation experts will unravel who the killer is using 25th century technology.
The Matrix/Terminator: The AI Agents have now taken all the jobs, leaving the human batteries that power the Matrix embittered but powerless to do anything about it.
Harry Potter: Did you not realize that Voldemort is a Trans Woman?
Game of Thrones: Joffrey: green lit.
Godzilla and King Kong: The famed kaiju will now only attack horrid socialist backwaters like Oslo, Barcelona, and London.
The Conjuring Universe/Scooby-Doo: It was only a matter of time before these series crossed paths. Now Ed and Lorraine Warren will be competing with the Scooby Gang to figure out who or what is haunting the amusement park/old southern mansion/roller rink. Spoiler: it's those fucking hippies.
The Flintstones: This will get a big push as it's an opportunity to show how Trad Wives should behave next to their Alpha Male husbands. In this prestige HBOParaMax Series, Fred will be a righteous husband who knows how to control his women so the food gets to the table on time, a cold beer is always in his hand, and his dirty caveman feet will be resting on Wilma's back as she assumes the ottoman position.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: All four will be forced to find jobs as Splinter is sick of their shit. Watch the Teenage Turtles enroll in high school, deal with trying to buy a sweet van and pay for its insurance, all under the guidance of someone who thinks the Turtles should get the fuck outside and touch grass, meet some girls, and stop playing with Japanese toy weapons like soft wet incels.
Friday the 13th: Jason Voorhees is reframed as the hero. He was just a concerned parent's son trying to clean up a campground full of degenerate teens having premarital sex and smoking weed. The reboot is a Hallmark-style origin story about Mrs. Voorhees homeschooling him. Wait, this is real? Holy shit.
Scream: Ghostface, inspired by his favorite Man-o-Sphere podcasters, is getting out of the murdering business. He needs money for coke, and everyone knows the best way to earn money is sex trafficking. For fans of Breaking Bad.
A Quiet Place: Finally, a franchise where everyone shuts the fuck up.
Mad Max: Max Rockatansky fights the good fight in the near future when gas prices are soaring. He's had enough. He takes the fight directly to Iran.
Indiana Jones and the Board of Directors of the British Museum: "This belongs in a museum" takes on new meaning when Indiana Jones has to fight wave after wave of DEI, Leftist scum Indigenous People who just want their history back.
Yellowstone: Unchanged.
