2001: A Space Prestige TV Odyssey
EXT. MONOLITH BASE CAMP - THE MOON
DEV MCMURDO is in a slick futuristic spacesuit, but even on the surface of the moon he's sweating. Monolith Basecamp has been abandoned since THE DISCOVERY was sent on its mission to Jupiter. DEV MCMURDO is a LATINO MAN in his 30s.
Dev
(panting)
This is crazy. No one has been at this base since the Discovery left to investigate Jupiter.
He turns to fire his LASERMAX 17 4A SLIPSHOT RAY MASTER RIFLE at STRANGERS in slick futurist space suits but a different color. They are running after DEV.
Control
(over comms)
You're breaking up, McMurdo. Pantalones says you're losing it.
In the background of the comms you can hear PANTALONES MCDRUMMOND, 65 chubby, laughing.
Dev
(panting)
You tell that fat son of a bitch I'm going to finger bang his wife if I get out of this alive.
Control
(over comms)
Can't read you. Over. Out. Over and out.
Dev
Son of a bitch--
A sudden blast at his feet causes DEV to tumble down into THE MONOLITH CRATER. He rolls to a stop and screams as he reaches for his leg. His leg is broken in three places. DEV has a horrified look on his face.
CUT TO FLASHBACK
INT. NASA PHYSICAL TESTING CENTER
DEV MCMURDO is 3 months younger. He's smiling as he is climbing the free climbing wall. PANTALONES MCDRUMMOND is further up the wall. He looks down at DEV.
Pantalones
(smiling)
I may be twice your age, but I'm gonna beat your ass on this climbing wall, Dev.
Dev
You old son of a bitch. You'd do anything to get out of letting me finger bang your wife.
Pantalones
Oops!
PANTALONES purposefully slips and the sole of his rock climbing shoe smashes against DEV's face. DEV falls back in surprise. He drops three feet to the ground. He screams in anguish. He looks at his leg in horror. It's been broken in three places.
PANTALONES quickly makes his way the 10 feet down the climbing wall. He kneels over DEV.
Pantalones
Shit, man, you aren't going to be fingerbanging anyone, McMurdo.
(beat)
Damn. Sorry. Not trying to be funny.
Dev
What's funny is that you think I can't fingerbang your wife with a broken leg.
They both laugh.
CUT TO
INT. NASA PHYSICAL TESTING CENTER - MED BAY
PANTALONES is helping DEV into the slick futuristic MED BAY. They are greeted by DR. FALCONE GREENJEANS, 60 chubby Native American. He's wearing a cowboy hat for some reason.
Dr. Greenjeans
(surprised)
Damn, Dev, did you break your leg fingerbanging Pantalones' wife?
PANTALONES helps DEV to an examination table.
Pantalones
Hardy har har.
Dr. Greenjeans
Let's have a look see, shall we.
DR. GREENJEANS pokes at DEV's twisted broken leg with his sexy white glossy latex-gloved hands.
Dev
Ouch. Ouch. OUCH.
DR. GREENJEANS runs his sexy white glossy latex-gloved hand through DEV's hair.
Dr. Greenjeans
Hijo. All will be well.
He looks up at PANTALONES.
Dr. Greenjeans
So I take it you two jokers were fingerbanging each other when we did orientation on these slick futurist get-ups?
DR. GREENJEANS runs his sexy white glossy latex-gloved hand down to DEV's chest where his slick futurist spacesuit has all kinds of lights and a digital display. The digital display has an Anger Emoji displayed. He taps a few random places on the display.
Dr. Greenjeans
The sleek futuristic space suits ain't yo momma's--
Dev
I'm gonna fingerbang your momma if you don't ease this paa-aai--
(in ecstasy)
Whoa, Doc, what'd you do?
PANTALONES and DEV watch in shock as the spacesuit compresses around DEV's fractured leg and straightens it.
Dev and Pantalones
(in unison)
Whoa.
Dr. Greenjeans
And you don't even feel it. The suit numbs the pain. You'd feel more if you got--
All
(in unison)
FINGERBANGED!
They all laugh.
CUT TO
EXT. MONOLITH CRATER
DEV looks up at laser fire shooting over him. He then looks down to his chest and taps some random spots on a screen with an ANGRY EMOJI on it. His suit compresses over his leg and straightens it.
Dev
Oh yeah. Imma about to fingerbang these motherfuckers.
