Saturday Weekly Round-Up
- The Disneyworld Tragedy Sentencing: This is a bummer of a topic, but a father, David Contreras, was sentenced to 12 years for shooting his own 21-year-old son. While I haven't been able to find if the son, Eric, was suffering from a specific disability, I have read that he was erratic and oftentimes violent with his family. There are no winners here. The father "lost it"—his words to the 911 operator right after the killing—and shot his son. I feel for the family who lost a father this week after losing a son two years ago.
- The Artemis II Moon Shot: FUCK YEAH. We're going back to the moon! The Artemis II is currently about midway between here and the moon. The last time we left Earth's orbit was in 1972—the year of my birth. This means it's been 54 years since we’ve done more than orbit our own planet. I'm a total Star Trek nerd, so I am all for anything that gets us into space without corporations sending Katy Perry along for the ride. It sucks that SpaceX and Blue Origin will be involved in future flights. Perhaps they can take Iggy Azalea to the moon and leave her there.
- The Downing of the F-15E over Iran: Whoa-ho-ho. The greatest military in the world had a plane shot down over Iran. One of the crewmen was rescued, but the other has not been. I hope he's safe, but at the same time, keep showing the world you're not a puppy exposing his belly for tummy rubs, Iran.
- The "Cicada" Variant: A highly mutated COVID-19 variant, nicknamed Cicada (BA.3.2), has officially ballooned to 30% of cases in Europe and was detected in several US states this week. Health officials are tracking its ability to evade previous immunity, just in time for Easter! Looks like BTS isn't the only thing making a comeback.
- The "Demonic" UAP Theory: Can JD Vance be a bigger weirdo? First, he came out with a new book this week which features a small church on the cover, and the ministers and congregants were like, "We don't know her." Now he's claiming UFOs are demons—which I want to hate because it's from JD Vance, but my god, I have to admit the idea is completely metal. I once wrote a script called Aliens vs. Apocalypse about aliens attacking Earth right when the Rapture happened. The remnants of humanity (there were a lot because in my script only about two people were raptured for being truly dedicated to Christ) were forced to deal with the fallout of this alien and demon war. It was silly, but you know what's not silly? JD Vance wouldn't be raptured if it happened.
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- The $9 Bone-Conduction Lollipop: The Lollipop Star is the technical absurdity of the week. You bite the candy and it vibrates music directly into your jawbone. It’s the perfect gadget for a society that has reached the absolute limit of what we are willing to stick into our ears and mouths. So, in essence, you can now crunch on hard candy while listening to Hard Candy, and then probably swallow a bunch of delicious microplastics.
- The 3-Minute Art Heist: On March 30, thieves hit a European gallery and made off with originals by Cézanne and Renoir. They were in and out in 180 seconds... which, damn, it takes me longer to wipe.
- NASA’s Gold Flare: More space news! A massive X-class solar flare erupted on March 29. The footage from the Solar Dynamics Observatory shows a localized "gold" explosion on the Sun that briefly crippled satellite comms across the southern hemisphere. No word yet on if this solar flare will be the one that gives us superpowers, but I don't feel any different.
- The iPolish Revolution: So this zany new product is out. It's like Lee Press-On Nails meets Spencer's Gifts. You can change the color of your nails instantly. I've long wanted this technology for things like the rooms in your house, your apartment, or your car—but nails? Fine. It's a start. It would be fun to hack it and make the colors go zany when someone is least expecting it.
- The Indian "Possession" Flight: A passenger on an Indian domestic flight was arrested for trying to force open the emergency exit mid-air. He told authorities he wasn't trying to crash the plane, but that a "ghost" inside him was demanding to be let out immediately. I believe him. I'm still waiting for more info on Monkey Man.
