Saturday Weekly Round Up
1. The "No Kings" Protests Today is another day where people will gather to protest President Trump for no other reason than it makes them feel better. I know their hearts are in the right place, but at this point, protesting peacefully accomplishes nothing. More direct action is required, though I'm not allowed to say what that direct action would be. Maybe that direct action would be going to the polls in November to shift the balance of power in Congress, but unfortunately, Congress itself seems to be a useless entity. Democracy in the United States never existed, just FYI.
2. The $104 Barrel of Oil I remember the energy crisis in the 1970s and filling our old station wagon (that yes, we sat in the back of with the tailgate open and our feet dangling outside while my dad drove around the neighborhood) with GASOHOL. I'm glad I don't own a car. Have fun, suckers!
3. Trump’s "Signature" Currency Trump is having his signature put on money. I don't really care. This minimal thinker has found entertainment in slapping his name on everything his entire life. My only worry is that, like everything he's slapped his name on, the dollar will fail.
4. The "Red Diamond" Serial Killer Jo Nesbø's Detective Hole premiered this week, and I'm told there's some hype about it. I asked an LLM to give me ten topics to write about for this Saturday round-up, and I suspect this was included because I wrote about Detective Hole yesterday and had the machine proof my post.
5. AI Deepfake X-rays In other LLM news, these models are now able to generate X-rays that fool doctors. THIS IS GREAT NEWS. Now you can go to your family doctor with an image of your broken arm, have the doctor set it, and wear a cast. People wary of LLMs are concerned about frauds and scams, and to this I say, fuck you, cops. It's not like the medical industry hasn't taken enough from people—in the United States, anyway. Scam away, scammers.
6. The 50th Anniversary of Apple Congratulations to Apple on 50 years! Bring back the iPod, but have it include Google Maps and cell access (for Google Maps no calls). Basically, a little brick for streaming music and getting directions. No one needs phones or messaging anymore. It's also great to remind people that all of Apple's innovations were stolen from Xerox! Steve Jobs. What a visionary.
7. NASA’s $20 Billion Moonbase I'm not a fan of the United States, despite being a citizen, but growing up in Houston, I've always loved NASA. I fully support a moonbase, but I doubt they could do it for as little as $20,000,000,000. This is a vapor project. If they need a gaywad to live on the moon just to be that guy who says something sarcastically every time something goes wrong, I'm your man! PLEASE call it Moonbase Alpha. It will be interesting to see how they deal with the radiation and the suspiciously toxic moondust.
8. The "Eel Reproduction" Monologue This is another topic recommended by the LLM I use, and again, I suspect it's only because I wrote about Bodkin this week. I haven't seen much churn on the internet this week about David Wilmot's funny monologue about how we don't know how eels fuck, despite asking the machine for things I hadn't written about. Here we are.
9. Predictive Event Trading A fintech company called Wealthsimple just got the green light to allow Canadians to bet on real-world events—like whether the U.S. will enter a recession or the outcome of elections. This is dystopian as fuck, and I love it.
10. The "Minab School" War Crime Debate The UN is holding an urgent debate regarding the February 28 bombing of the Shajareh Tayyebeh school in Iran. 150 girls died. I just read this morning that Israel is double-tapping hospitals in Lebanon like they do in Gaza. If you don't know what that means, let me explain: Israel will strike a hospital or clinic, and then when rescuers and medical personnel show up to provide aid, Israel will strike again. My taxes are paying for this. I'm not Muslim, but to those who are, I wish you peace. I'm not Jewish either, nor a Christian Zionist, but I hope Benjamin Netanyahu gets what he deserves and spends the rest of his life in jail for being a genocidal maniac.
