Movies I Pitched That Hollywood Stole From Me
Speed: I pitched a movie about an out of control bus speeding through the rocky mountains, but in my version there was no one on the bus. The only character was the bus, who couldn't communicate to the audience. The script had no dialogue and the bus just wanted to stop. As I pitched this idea, I made the screeching noises to simulate the sound of brakes.
Jurassic Park: I was on a plane in first class sitting next to Michael Crichton in 1982. When he saw that I was reading Congo and laughing and coloring pictures over the words, he said he wrote the novel. I told him this would be better with Dinosaurs and Disneyworld. I was flying to Disneyworld, so it was really on my mind.
Se7en: When I was doing third unit photography during the production of Return of the Jedi (that scene of R2 and 3pO stuck upside down in the sand is all me), I developed a friendship with David Fincher. He interrupted during a break where I was putting my Kenner Luke Skywalker action figure's head up the clay butt of the Rancor model to talk with me about his career. At the time I was really into City of God by St. Augustine, and I suggested that one day I would purge the world of the sinful. I quickly drew him a mock up of a dangerous strap-on based on Wolverine's claws. He never spoke with me again after that.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: As a young cub writer on Roseanne, I was really irritated with Joss Whedon's blatant misogyny. I suggested he take some time to write some work from a woman's perspective to confront what an asshole he was to women.
Dune: I was having lunch in the commissary on Universal lot when David Lynch and a companion asked if they could join me because it was very crowded. They were making notes on a script inspired by the Tatooine scenes in Star Wars. I suggested making the Gamorrean Guard the villain of his movie and give him a spitting fetish.
Kpop Demon Hunters: My script called Gloss was famously on Hollywood's Black List of hot, unproduced scripts since the 1960s. Mine was about a female 1980s hair metal band fighting demon Unicorns Centaurs in Glasgow but it's the same fucking thing.
Martin Scorsese's Career: I was brought in in an advisory capacity on Taxi Driver to handle the Cybill incident. I told him it's okay to be an exploitation director. Some guys just want to make the same movie over and over and that's okay. But he can't be Boxcar Bertha Marty for fuck's sake. Get a cinematographer you can trust. Experiment. You can make the same trashy violent crap and win awards, Marty. He never spoke to me again.
